Confidence Boosters

Confidence Boosters

We all want our children to be confident, some kids seem to have it, some have a little to much of it and others, well the don't seem to have any.

For those with little or none life can be difficult, Shy introverted timid children are often the first to

be bullied and so the escalation of lack of confidence to lack of self esteem begins.

So how can we give confidence to those who lack it?

I thought it might be helpful to give you my definition of confidence

As I see it, confidence is a feeling of certainty that an individual holds over the ability to cope with any given situation. So a child can feel confident (and so have peace of mind) with the family cat but be terrified in the park near dogs. I get  a child being wary of other dogs may be a desirable thing, but not terror.

Well if confidence is just a feeling of certainty, how can you get your child to feel it?



Step 1 Use their BODY

Have you ever noticed how people with a head ache stand or sit? They position their head  in a downwards position with it slightly tilted to one side with their palm across there fore head and let the muscles in their face go slack, You don't need to ask them what's wrong, you know.

If you want to get a head ache that's a great way to get one you just sit in the head ache position for a while, your body will give your brain the message and hey presto, you feel dreadful.

Well confidence has its body position too. When you stand with your shoulders back, with your head slightly elevated eyes forward and open wide, your feet shoulder width apart arms folder across your chest or even hands on hips, you know the superman position. (there's a reason he stands like that - he's portraying someone with  ultimate confidence). You can't help but start to feel confident.
Play the Superman game!



Step 2 Use their BREATH

How a child breathes at any given time determines  how they feel, in fact not breathing for a while can have serious consequences for you, like being dead, so your body and brain react extremely quickly to poor breathing patterns, how to you breathe when you are upset or crying, most people sob and take shallow weak breathes,

Your body starts to understand there is less oxygen coming in and starts to shut things down, no wonder they feel lousy. Teach you child to breathe properly, partially when they feel uncertain, it helps their physiology and that helps with confidence, You hear coaches say just take a deep breathe and go for it!



Step 3 Use their BRAIN

What stories are you telling yourself, what pictures are you putting into your head? What do you expect to happen in any given situation, what is your inner voice telling you? Do you talk to yourself in a disgraceful manner, you would never talk to anyone else that way.

You say things to yourself like "I can't do that, it could all go wrong, I'm not good enough". Your child may well be doing the same thing. So how you and your child control your thoughts and what you focus on is essential, and its essential for your child as well.

Now its this focus that children can struggle with, for their expectations come from their previous experience  and if they have little or no previous experience in dealing with a given situation their brain may refer back to the last time they were faced with a similar unknown challenge. If they previously met the last challenge and were positively rewarded, a new challenging situation will hold much less uncertainty than for a child whose last challenge ended in disaster, humiliation or punishment.

So keep things positive, re-enforce when they have done well or at least attempted to do well. If they are Eight years old you can tell them that even a Nine year old couldn't have done that well. Positive messages sink in and create a can do attitude. Teach them that we all have naughty little inner gremlins which whisper negative thoughts into our ear, but we don't have to listen to them.


So can you really give your child confidence? 

Yes of course in the opposite way to which you could destroy it.
Introducing your child to incrementally increasing challenges, teaching them and showing them how to meet those challenges and rewarding each small successes  along the way builds self esteem and creates a confident child who doesn't flinch at a new task or environment.

Introducing your child into in a positive "Can Do Atmosphere" where development through meeting the next challenge is the norm. Keeping them physically active and getting the required levels of oxygen is going to help. As a Karate instructor I see it all the time.

Can you inspire confidence in children?  Yes and its great fun.

Have a go.

Slow Down to Learn Faster

How many brains do you have?


Well depending on your level of medical, physiological, psychological or self improvement industry knowledge you have and the models you choose to use, the answer can range from one, to as many as seven, may be more.

For our purposes (the teaching physical skills  in the form of Karate mainly to children) the answer is 

Two.

Yes,  two brains and no not Left and Right Hemisphere.

I'm talking about the conscious and subconscious (or unconscious) minds. ("Unconscious" in Martial Art circles, tends to involve a short period of sleep just after you receive blow to the chin).

Explaining to a Junior School aged child the meaning of the Conscious and Subconscious minds is a bit like herding cats, it can be done, but its a tad on the tricky side. I believe however that it is an important concept. 

We ask, as educators, that children learn, remember and be able to recall a piece of behavior or knowledge, whether it be a specific movement pattern in the case of Martial Arts  or the accurate history of the country in which you live, but if we often don't explain to children just what the learning process involves and then they can get frustrated, with low self esteem and end up trying very hard, but do the very thing that prevents then learning effectively.

As I see it, when we learn something new we use our Conscious brain, we think, we concentrate, and focus on joining what we don't know to what we do. We use up physical energy in the brain, its a slow process and feels like hard work.

Eventually if  we concentrate, focus and take the time required we start to assimilate the knowledge into our automatic storage device, our Subconscious.

As adults, using the Conscious mind to teach the Subconscious mind, is a concept we can grasp, as children its a bit tricky.


Explaining this to Children (Mat Chat)

I ask my students how many brains do you have? 

I've had some strange answers, but in this context I want the answer - Two. 

"The first of your brains is the The Human, thinking, learning, slow, working things out brain,

and the second is the fast automatic, takes no effort or energy to use "Computer" brain.

Now some thing for you do, are you ready? Sure? 

 Answer as quickly as you can....... one plus one?

"Two" 

 in about a tenth of a second.... that's the computer brain, you know the answer, no effort no concentration of focus. 


Now try to answer  the following ................Sixty Five times Twelve......... um.

No answer from the computer, so you start to use the Human brain, slow, using up energy and taking all your attention complex and confused about where to start,

(I couldn't be bothered to do it either, just to much effort involved.... Oh alright then it's 780). 

Now, when you are learning some thing new, you need to use the "Human" brain to programme the Computer brain and we all know how slow it is to programme a computer, it takes ages, its slow and you have to be very accurate or the computer doesn't do the right thing.


What happens if you rush when your programming a computer? What about if you miss things out of the programme? Skip things? or just put in rubbish instructions? Yeah Garbage in Garbage out.

When you is trying to learn its just the same. 


Remember, in order to teach your Computer brain, (so that in the future it does what you want it to), you have to use your Human brain. Go slow, allow your brain to get things right, and repeat it again and again. 


Yes it is going to take energy and effort and time to start with, but once the computer brain has got it it will (with refreshers every now and again) give you the answers (movement) you want, as easy as One plus One equals Two". 

So take your time and do things slowly giving your Human brain the chance to work things out and do things properly. Then repeat and repeat again. Slowly you will programme your Computer brain and then, what you have learnt will be easy and fast to do.   

You've learnt it!!!


A Final Thought.

Kids who pick things up quickly are labeled bright and intelligent, and kids who are slower get labeled as ... well, slow. Meaning that there is an unspoken agenda for kids to pick things up quickly to prove that they are in the bright category (in Karate schools, quickly and with dynamic energy) this agenda leads to behavior which is the exact opposite (slowing down) of what is required for effective learning. 

The slow (time allowed) repeated use of focused, concentrated, accurate, precise, Human Brain which is able to "join the dots up"  is much more effective, than trying to use the human brain once (i.e. quickly) and then rely upon the computer (which may or may not have got in order to produce the required results. Slow learning may seem a bit more inefficient but in the long term can be much more effective. 

As "Practice makes Permanent" (not perfect) my plea is that you get children/students to to slow down allow themselves thinking and processing time and do the movements correctly before increasing speed and dynamics. 

We've only got "Two Brains" please give them a chance.

The Secret Formula for Excellence.

Last weekend just over 200 of our Karate Kids passed their next grading belt, for some it was the first step into the Karate world and were awarded their Yellow belt and for others it was gaining their Brown Belt.

The grading test was hugely successful with the children each achieving the standard required for their particular level.

In short they were excellent.


So my question to them this week was "how did you become excellent?"

Many of the students gave  answers which contained  many of the parts of being excellent but it struck me that none of them had a clear plan for achieving excellence.

As part of my teaching I thought it would be a good idea to at least attempt to create some kind of formula so they could understand the steps and so repeat them time after time.

So here goes:-  Sensei Mikes formula for excellence.



Step 1   Learn something new. 





The starting place, we began to learn the new things require in order for them to gain their next belt.
We were clear and specific in the requirements and slowly build upon their previous knowledge.







Step 2    Practise 


Not a difficult concept I know, but an important one to re-enforce with the students. Doing things once or twice does not lead to excellence. And make sure its proper practise, Practising rubbish makes you good at rubbish.

Remember practise makes PERMANENT not perfect.

Step 3  When its Hard Work - Work Hard

Simple really, that's all they have to do. When things become Hard work they just need to swap the words around.So that the time to Work Hard.





Step 4   If there's a Test - Do your BEST


Not try, not give it a go, but do the very best you can do, Use all your energy, all your power, all your concentration bring every thing to the table, your Best means leaving nothing behind.








Step 5  Celebrate!

Its what the grown ups forget to do, Celebrate your success, hard work, commitment and energy
.

We reward the students immediately after the test with their next belt and public praise and applause.

We have a fun celebration night, we play balloon games.... just before we start at step 1 again.





So there you have it, Sensei Mike's Formula for Excellence.

Will the formula work in the study of Maths, Science at school? I don't see why not.

Its a better formula than most seem to have, what do you think?

Please leave some comments for me, on the blog or face book page, I would be interested in creating a better formula so more people can achieve excellence in their lives.

Click to go to Team Black Belt.

More of Sensei Mike's Work 

A Children’s on line video anti bullying 

programme – Stop Bullies Now!

 Click here to have closer look.

More Rules - More Freedom

Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations

Children love them,  yes that’s right, children love them.

 I know, they are always kicking out against them, trying to bend them or gain an advantage by circumventing them, as a father of three I know, mine did.

However, put any group of children in a school playground and the first thing they will do is create a game to play, the first part of which is to set and agree the rules, you know, this is the objective of the game, that is how you win, this is not allowed, that is out of bounds and the circle area is the safe den.

So even when left to their own devices children want to feel that they are sure about what they are doing, they want to be confident they are doing, whatever they are doing in the “correct and approved way”.

They can then get on with expressing themselves with total freedom feeling safe, certain and secure they are only being judged by the rules and objectives of the game.

No stress, Nothing to worry about, Certain Safe and Secure. These feelings created by the group through the use Structure, Rules, Boundaries and Limitations, are highly valued by the members of the group.

The children seem to understand at a very deep level, that their enjoyment of the game depends upon the Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations they have created,  and woe betide the child in the group who goes onto break those rules, they are chastised by the other members as cheats, and outcast as being an unfair player, they may be disqualified and even excluded not only from the game but from the group entirely.

So you see even from a very young age, children love Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations and they are prepared to enforce them with their peers without hesitation. Some might go so far as to call it discipline! 

Even the dreaded (by parents) Video games so loved by children, are just a rule based scenarios where there is a clear understanding by the player that there is a reward or a penalty for each action a they make. This makes the video game world very predictable and therefore  a safe secure place for children to be. Interactive, immersive, predictable, consistent, safe and secure …. for a timid child, what’s not to like?

As a Karate Instructor I see children thrive and grow in class as a result of Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations - Discipline.

We have in place some very clear rules, we insist on being addressed as Sensei, or Sir/Miss as appropriate, Children must to line up in silence and sit properly before the class, then they must shout at the top of their lungs when doing star jumps with as much energy as they can muster.  We then ask them to  move in a very specific way, kick and punch in a specific manner, and then again, to move freely when tag sparring. Children love it.

You see we are very clear on what we want them to do,we make the Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations very clear and we don't accept non adherence to them, all for a very good reason, namely the safety of the participants.

The children understand and accept it. They are then able to feel safe, secure able  to express themselves. Perform to their best of their ability, take pride in their successes and achievements and as a result grow as people whilst gaining confidence.

As a parent I often worried about setting Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations for my children, I worried that "rule setting" was the opposite of being a nurturing parent?  Was I being harsh. Was it just a male trait, setting rules?

After years of teaching Karate to hundreds of children each week, I have to say, that in my experience the setting of clear Structure, Rules, Boundaries and Limitations has only had a positive                                                                         outcome.

In my case, the nurturing of my children has been done by helping them to understand the reasons and the benefits of the rules I created and then as they got older, relaxed.

Personally,  I think the benefit to them, in terms of their freedom to act within the structure, outweighs my concerns for being harsh or blokey.

If children are so happy with Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations that in the absence of them they will make up their own, why shouldn't  they have rules which benefit not only their lives but yours, rules around bed times, the way they speak to adults, the programmes they watch, the exercise they take or the way they behave when eating in public.

What you expect of them during childhood, is what in time,  they will come to expect of themselves,

The more Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations you can put and fix in place, the more Certainty Safety and Security you create for your child and therefore, the more Freedom for them to feel free to work within.

So my advice for what it’s worth, turn your kid into a super kid, by  setting some clear Structure Rules Boundaries and Limitations for them, in my experience they will be glad you did, and so will you. 

Have Fun and Stay Safe.

Mike Turbitt
Principal Instructor

More of Mikes work:

How to Build a Black Belt Business

Take me there

Team Black Belt.Pro

Take me there

Super Kid Skills - Safe Halloween - Mat Chat

Halloween - Trick or Treat - Safety.

Team Black Belt is closed this week  I thought I would give you my, Be Safe at Halloween - Mat Chat,  do do with as you please.







Stranger Danger

When was the last time you sent your children to go and knock on the door of strangers, May I respectfully suggest, never?  Most of the time, the normal, standard parental advice, is to be aware of strangers, not talk to them, and never to go onto the properties of strangers.

Except for on Halloween, where the ever growing trend is for parents to allow children to do exactly that,  wave them off to go on Trick or Treat missions, gathering sweets from total strangers around the neighbourhood and that, on the one night a year when the strangers can disguise their own identity with a mask or costume and be seen as someone just joining in the fun.

Clearly Trick or Treating, is something children enjoy, and should you allow your children to participate in  this type of activity, (you might get that I'm not to enthusiastic about it)  I have listed some considerations that you might like to share with your children, to help set some rules or guidelines, to make their experience a positive one.

With an Adult.

Firstly, Trick or Treating should only be done if they have a trusted adult with them.

An adult is not an older sister or brother but a fully grown, responsible person with children of their own. As many a parent will testify, even an older child (and I know I have three my self), can easily be duped or just get caught up with the party atmosphere and end up doing something stupid; (encouraging younger children past their comfort level, or to do something potentially dangerous or becoming involved in anti social behaviour, such as throwing eggs at people or property). So, please, a real adult.


In a Group.

Your children should always be part of a group, please tell them they never trick or treat alone.
They might just start on the way home from school, let them know this is not a good idea.






Be Seen

Road safety is a major cause for concern with excitable children's attention being taken by decorated houses and lanterns,

Here in Solihull the clocks are about to go back, so it is light at 6pm one day and dark at 6pm the next, car drivers are as unprepared for the change as your children may be, and many of the costumes worn are black from head to toe. Even drivers who aren't distracted  have less chance of seeing your child than normal. Please make sure your child has some kind of illumination, reflectors or even better, make sure that every one in the group carries a torch.

Plan the Route

It might be a good idea to ensure your children know the best route to take around the streets; up one side of the road then back down it is the best idea, not criss-crossing across the road back and forth from one house to another. If you can plan their route for them it means you will have a good idea of where your child is (assuming you are not with them).


Respect Others.

Make sure that your child understands that not all households wish to join in with trick or treating, and that the households that do usually have some sign of interest in the window, lanterns, pumpkins etc.

Older people in the community may find a gang children dressed as monsters and zombies arriving at the door to be truly frightening, or even just someone banging on their door after dark. If a house does not display an interest respect their wishes - no eggs or tricks, just leave them alone and move on to a house where trick or treat will be welcome.


Sweets.

Many of the treats your children will receive are sweets, encourage them not to eat them at the road side but to collect them and sort them when they get home, in the light. Never eat sweets that they don't recognise or do not come wrapped properly.  Remember not all adults play nicely.


Outside only.

Make sure they know that they are NEVER allowed to go into a strangers house, no matter what the stranger says. Trick or Treating is an outdoor activity only.

Fire

I know you don't want to set you child alight, its just that pumpkins with smiley faces, containing tea lights or candles are just so attractive.  Again it is likely, that, at no other time of the year are children exposed to so many open flames combined with costumes that waft about in the breeze. The danger there is very real.

Please tell them never to touch the pumpkins, pick them up carry them around, and don't forget to mention how much candle wax hurts if it drips onto your skin.



I am confident you and your child will have a great Halloween, but please give the some consideration to making sure the day is a safe one.


I wish you and your children, a fun and safe Halloween!


Sensei Mike

Click to go to Team Black Belt.

More of Sensei Mike's Work 

A Children’s on line video anti bullying 

programme – Stop Bullies Now!

 Click here to have closer look.

Super Kids - Confidence

We all want our children to be confident, some kids seem to have it, some have a little to much of it and others, well the don't seem to have any.

For those with little or none life can be difficult, Shy introverted timid children are often the first to

be bullied and so the escalation of lack of confidence to lack of self esteem begins.

So how can we give confidence to those who lack it?

I thought it might be helpful to give you my definition of confidence

As I see it, confidence is a feeling of certainty that an individual holds over the ability to cope with any given situation. So a child can feel confident (and so have peace of mind) with the family cat but be terrified in the park near dogs. I get  a child being wary of other dogs may be a desirable thing, but not terror.

Well if confidence is just a feeling of certainty, how can you get your child to feel it?



Step 1 Use their BODY

Have you ever noticed how people with a head ache stand or sit? They position their head  in a downwards position with it slightly tilted to one side with their palm across there fore head and let the muscles in their face go slack, You don't need to ask them what's wrong, you know.

If you want to get a head ache that's a great way to get one you just sit in the head ache position for a while, your body will give your brain the message and hey presto, you feel dreadful.

Well confidence has its body position too. When you stand with your shoulders back, with your head slightly elevated eyes forward and open wide, your feet shoulder width apart arms folder across your chest or even hands on hips, you know the superman position. (there's a reason he stands like that - he's portraying someone with  ultimate confidence). You can't help but start to feel confident.
Play the Superman game!



Step 2 Use their BREATH

How a child breathes at any given time determines  how they feel, in fact not breathing for a while can have serious consequences for you, like being dead, so your body and brain react extremely quickly to poor breathing patterns, how to you breathe when you are upset or crying, most people sob and take shallow weak breathes,

Your body starts to understand there is less oxygen coming in and starts to shut things down, no wonder they feel lousy. Teach you child to breathe properly, partially when they feel uncertain, it helps their physiology and that helps with confidence, You hear coaches say just take a deep breathe and go for it!



Step 3 Use their BRAIN

What stories are you telling yourself, what pictures are you putting into your head? What do you expect to happen in any given situation, what is your inner voice telling you? Do you talk to yourself in a disgraceful manner, you would never talk to anyone else that way.

You say things like "you can't do that, it could all go wrong, you're a loser". Your child may well be doing the same thing. So how you and your child control your thoughts and what you focus on is essential, and its essential for your child as well.

Now its this focus that children can struggle with, for their expectations come from their previous experience  and if they have little or no previous experience in dealing with a given situation their brain may refer back to the last time they were faced with a similar unknown challenge. If they previously met the last challenge and were positively rewarded, a new challenging situation will hold much less uncertainty than for a child whose last challenge ended in disaster, humiliation or punishment.


So can you really give your child confidence? 

Yes of course in the opposite way to which you could destroy it.

Introducing your child to incrementally increasing challenges, teaching them and showing them how to achieve those challenges and rewarding each small successes  along the way.

Introducing your child into in a positive "Can Do Atmosphere" where development through challenge is the norm.

Keeping them physically active and getting the required levels of oxygen is going to help.

Can you inspire confidence in children, Yes and its great fun.

Have a go.

More of Sensei Mike's Work 

A Children’s on line video anti bullying 

programme – Stop Bullies Now!

 Click here to have closer look.

Click here to find out more about confidence building.